In Carole Radziwill’s memoir “what remains” she says something similar … se tells that she dressed to keep the press away, but the opposite happened. I really liked reading Carole’s book! It was worth it and I think that her books show us a better side of CBK than the CBK one that was published recently. Ieven wrote about it in mu substack (in portuguese). Can’t wait to read this book and the one written by an assistant whose cover is this instagram picture you posted here :)
I’m starting the reading of this book today! :) really enjoyed your text, Raquel. Sorry about the typos and the mistakes in my previous message I was in quite a hurry when I wrote it yesterday. (And without glasses too! 🤭🤓)
The idea of fashion as armor that you write about here reminded me so much of this quote by Alexander McQueen: “I design clothes because I don’t want women to look all innocent and naïve… I want woman to look stronger… I don’t like women to be taken advantage of… I don’t like men whistling at women in the street. I think they deserve more respect. I like men to keep their distance from women, I like men to be stunned by an entrance. I’ve seen a woman get nearly beaten to death by her husband. I know what misogyny is… I want people to be afraid of the women I dress.”
Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy's style has always fascinated me precisely because of its blankness and minimalism. On the one hand, I'd love to embody that sort of chic, but on the other, I like color and pattern way too much to ever commit to such a style. The struggle is real! Thank you so much for this lovely read.
Thanks so much, Ramya. I love that McQueen quote too! I think people nowadays really forget that when he was alive, people debated whether his clothes were misogynist or not, because they were so ... scary and difficult! But that it what made them so powerful. I personally love McQueen — he had a romantic strain that really resonated, still resonates with me. I don't think I could ever be a minimalist as much as I wish I could be!
I loved the line " After all, what better way to stand out than by outshining everyone while wearing the most neutral, unextraordinary threads?" SO GOOD!
I love this perspective. The distinction between dressing for validation, in the sense of using your dress to acquire attention and status and fame, and dressing for validation in the ‘defensive’ sense—you’ve acquired too much attention and are dressing as armor, and to deflect criticism.
Yes, it's something non-famous people deal with too: there is the male gaze (or the gaze of whatever person you are hoping to attract or at least not repulse), the social media gaze, the (if you work in or write about fashion) industry gaze, the gaze of your peers ... my question I'm wrestling with now (a perpetual quandary) as how do you dress for YOURSELF, and how do you dress for a changing self?
I can’t wait to read what you write about it. My immediate reaction is that the idea that you can dress for yourself, always, as a day-in, day-out commitment, is a fiction for most of us. Because we live in worlds connected to others—on a range of intimate to social to professional—and given that we need those people in our lives it’s probably not ultimately self-serving to dress only for yourself, always. Sometimes you have to flaunt your more reliable side—not for you, but for your client. Sometimes you wear your romantic partner’s favorite dress. Etc. Off the cuff, I wonder whether perhaps the best you can do (or the worthy goal) is to be mindful of your choices. And braver about asking yourself, challenging yourself, to seize more moments where you ignore others’ needs and preferences for your own. This is thought-provoking, thank you—can’t wait to read how your thinking on this plays out.
I love everything you have said here!!! And yes, I think you are right, PURELY dressing for yourself is a fiction. And depending on your job or your station in life, impossible. Even for most privileged people it is probably a fiction. So I guess what I'm asking is how do you dress in a way then that preserves something of your dignity and yourself, despite whatever societal/economics/whatever constraints you may have... but also maybe why is this important? Why do I personally think it's important? Maybe I shouldn't!! Haha. To be continued...
I loved this
Thank you, Giulia!
Great piece!!
Thank you!!
In Carole Radziwill’s memoir “what remains” she says something similar … se tells that she dressed to keep the press away, but the opposite happened. I really liked reading Carole’s book! It was worth it and I think that her books show us a better side of CBK than the CBK one that was published recently. Ieven wrote about it in mu substack (in portuguese). Can’t wait to read this book and the one written by an assistant whose cover is this instagram picture you posted here :)
Ohh interesting! Yes, this biography quotes Carole Radziwill's memoir quite a bit.
I’m starting the reading of this book today! :) really enjoyed your text, Raquel. Sorry about the typos and the mistakes in my previous message I was in quite a hurry when I wrote it yesterday. (And without glasses too! 🤭🤓)
The idea of fashion as armor that you write about here reminded me so much of this quote by Alexander McQueen: “I design clothes because I don’t want women to look all innocent and naïve… I want woman to look stronger… I don’t like women to be taken advantage of… I don’t like men whistling at women in the street. I think they deserve more respect. I like men to keep their distance from women, I like men to be stunned by an entrance. I’ve seen a woman get nearly beaten to death by her husband. I know what misogyny is… I want people to be afraid of the women I dress.”
Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy's style has always fascinated me precisely because of its blankness and minimalism. On the one hand, I'd love to embody that sort of chic, but on the other, I like color and pattern way too much to ever commit to such a style. The struggle is real! Thank you so much for this lovely read.
Thanks so much, Ramya. I love that McQueen quote too! I think people nowadays really forget that when he was alive, people debated whether his clothes were misogynist or not, because they were so ... scary and difficult! But that it what made them so powerful. I personally love McQueen — he had a romantic strain that really resonated, still resonates with me. I don't think I could ever be a minimalist as much as I wish I could be!
This was fascinating, Raquel.
Thank you so much, Jolene!
I loved the line " After all, what better way to stand out than by outshining everyone while wearing the most neutral, unextraordinary threads?" SO GOOD!
Thank you, Gabby!
I love this perspective. The distinction between dressing for validation, in the sense of using your dress to acquire attention and status and fame, and dressing for validation in the ‘defensive’ sense—you’ve acquired too much attention and are dressing as armor, and to deflect criticism.
Yes, it's something non-famous people deal with too: there is the male gaze (or the gaze of whatever person you are hoping to attract or at least not repulse), the social media gaze, the (if you work in or write about fashion) industry gaze, the gaze of your peers ... my question I'm wrestling with now (a perpetual quandary) as how do you dress for YOURSELF, and how do you dress for a changing self?
I can’t wait to read what you write about it. My immediate reaction is that the idea that you can dress for yourself, always, as a day-in, day-out commitment, is a fiction for most of us. Because we live in worlds connected to others—on a range of intimate to social to professional—and given that we need those people in our lives it’s probably not ultimately self-serving to dress only for yourself, always. Sometimes you have to flaunt your more reliable side—not for you, but for your client. Sometimes you wear your romantic partner’s favorite dress. Etc. Off the cuff, I wonder whether perhaps the best you can do (or the worthy goal) is to be mindful of your choices. And braver about asking yourself, challenging yourself, to seize more moments where you ignore others’ needs and preferences for your own. This is thought-provoking, thank you—can’t wait to read how your thinking on this plays out.
I love everything you have said here!!! And yes, I think you are right, PURELY dressing for yourself is a fiction. And depending on your job or your station in life, impossible. Even for most privileged people it is probably a fiction. So I guess what I'm asking is how do you dress in a way then that preserves something of your dignity and yourself, despite whatever societal/economics/whatever constraints you may have... but also maybe why is this important? Why do I personally think it's important? Maybe I shouldn't!! Haha. To be continued...